Wednesday, July 29, 2015

07.29.15 Days on End, Days Without End






I've never been good at being still. To the same regard, my thoughts fire like wild synapses from endless stimulation. Sometimes I wonder if this is due to the nature in which I choose to live my life, or, if it is an inherent fault in the fabric of who I am.

I was once told about a graphical representation of thought and the mind's growth through time. I believe it was called Maslow's triangle. At the base of the triangle are one's physiological needs, such as air, food, water, & sex (It always made me smile to read sex alongside such vital necessities). The next few steps in the triangle include safety, love, esteem, and finally, self-actualization. Each step in the triangle one more privileged than the other. Many of us, many of the people I respect most, never can make it to the top of Maslow's pyramid. The ladder breaks; the system breaks and they remain forever stuck.

I lived most of my childhood in the first step of the triangle, not knowing where next I was going to eat, drink, sleep (or fuck). Then, all of a sudden, I found safety and love. And although I seem to have skipped esteem, I have landed in the top rung of existence and I am going fucking crazy. Why do I deserve to be here: 1. And, how are we ever expected to sort through all these conceptions: 2.

I can't calm myself. My heart beats fast at all times, yet I can't get my mind off the moment it will finally cease.

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