07.29.15 Days on End, Days Without End

I've never been good at being still. To the same regard, my thoughts fire like wild synapses from endless stimulation. Sometimes I wonder if this is due to the nature in which I choose to live my life, or, if it is an inherent fault in the fabric of who I am.

I was once told about a graphical representation of thought and the mind's growth through time. I believe it was called Maslow's triangle. At the base of the triangle are one's physiological needs, such as air, food, water, & sex (It always made me smile to read sex alongside such vital necessities). The next few steps in the triangle include safety, love, esteem, and finally, self-actualization. Each step in the triangle one more privileged than the other. Many of us, many of the people I respect most, never can make it to the top of Maslow's pyramid. The ladder breaks; the system breaks and they remain forever stuck.

I lived most of my childhood in the first step of the triangle, not knowing where next I was going to eat, drink, sleep (or fuck). Then, all of a sudden, I found safety and love. And although I seem to have skipped esteem, I have landed in the top rung of existence and I am going fucking crazy. Why do I deserve to be here: 1. And, how are we ever expected to sort through all these conceptions: 2.

I can't calm myself. My heart beats fast at all times, yet I can't get my mind off the moment it will finally cease.